Talk about a page turner, or in this case, a scroll turner! Once I began to read, I just had to finish the Cooperation Code, a new parenting resource by Tim Dawes. And while there was so much information to assimilate in one sitting, I still feel that I understood the important principles. A second reading (and probably, third) is definitely on my to do list to reinforce the knowledge gleaned, but I feel intimately familiar with the resource to provide this Cooperation Code review. Here, I’ll explore Tim’s fundamental principles and philosophy of child management in an effort to instill a sense of cooperation within your children.
But before I get into the particulars of the Cooperation Code, congratulate yourself that you’re even reading this review. So many guardians and parents choose to not even reflect on their parenting practices. Those ‘My way or the highway’ parents are perfectly content to leave the status quo.
Other parents are not motivated to change the parent-child dynamic because they’ve accepted the fact that they will just ‘give in’ to their child’s every whim. They desperately want their children to always love them, and any dialogue that suggests opposition is to be avoided.
Sadly, there exists other parents who have just given up, abandoning the notion that they can establish or reestablish close ties with their fledglings. They either believe they can’t change who they are, or that their children are hopeless, non-malleable beings. They don’t seek professional guidance to help them foster this crucial connection, or invest the time to read an invaluable resource like the Cooperation Code. Why bother as they believe this relationship schism will last forever.
You know differently. By acquiring empowering Cooperation Code parenting strategies, your connection to your child will become deeper and unbreakable. This bond will raise all parties’ self-esteem, confidence, and feelings of good will, where you will bask in the light of mutual admiration and respect.
And even parents like me, who believed they were almost ‘perfect parents,’ will be humbled by the mistakes they were unwittingly committing.
Cooperating Code Review – A Needs-Based Prism of Understanding
We’re so quick to judge. Our venting almost seems like an involuntary reflex. We almost instantaneously look to blame. All this happens when our needs are not met.
Tim Dawes provides a very common, yet eye-opening example. How do you react when it’s late, and your child keeps on getting out of bed? You still have a lot of work to do or you simply want to relax after a hard-day’s work.
Do you start reprimanding? Do you threaten your child with punishments? Do you walk your child back to the room and slam the door shut with the admonition of ‘Stay in your room?’ Perhaps you engage in other robotic and thoughtless responses.
Sheepishly, I have to admit that I’ve given what Tim would describe as a mixed message: I’ve explained to my son how much I love him but how much I disapprove of his conduct (separating his personal worth and value with his maladaptive behavior). This is what I thought was the ideal response from other child-rearing experts.
There’s a much better way to respond – and reflects one of the core platforms of the book: Think of the behavior as your child’s way of expressing a need.
No, please don’t break down the supposed need as a need to defy … as that need can be broken down into smaller components. My son, like Tim’s son, simply longs for attention and connection. He wants, or should I say needs, to feel safe, secure, and loved.
And even though I’m certain that I fulfill these needs a myriad of times a day, it’s very possible that he still feels vulnerable at night, especially alone.
Tim provides a sample, effective dialogue of how to address this issue. The strategy underscores the importance of accurately seeing the world through your child’s eyes. Find out what need he/she is expressing, and the rapport and alliance you wish to establish is well on its way.
However, be open, communicative, and honest about your needs as well. In the example above, it’s perfectly permissible, if not desirable, to tell your child that you need to have the time to complete a work assignment, relax, or whatever else is applicable.
This fosters mutual understanding which will soon propel a workable, winnable solution for all parties.
Want to Foster Cooperation? Suspend Judgment!
What’s your first impulse when you see or hear something you disapprove of? Many parents will express displeasure immediately – without any thought or filter.
Now think of negative judgments like an oil spill. One drop can prove damaging. Multiple, if not incessant drops, may not only obliterate your child’s self-esteem but may irreparably damage your connection with him/her.
We need to make them understand what they’re doing is wrong, you may counter. But Tim Dawes reminds us that we can get our message across (and our needs met) by exercising a different modus operandi.
Tim summarizes his systematic ‘how-to’ with the acronym, ‘ALIVE.’ When you read the resource, you’ll discover the clever strategies and mindset each letter in the acronym stands for, but suffice to say for the purposes of this review, that a child’s cooperation begins when your attitude changes in the midst of deemed infractions.
Recognize that it’s your judgment – your opinion. Own it! It’s very possible that your child’s behavior is totally unacceptable in the household, and socially unacceptable.
But examine beneath the surface, explore the underlying needs and bite your tongue. Unleashing judgment and anger will not produce the desired results.
It may be a simple notion, but unconditional love, active listening, and frank and sensitive dialogue will foster the cooperation and connection you so desperately seek (and your child seeks as well).
Who is Tim Dawes?
While Tim’s child management tips strike a responsive chord within me, I decided to engage in a little fact-finding about the insightful Cooperation Code author.
It appears that Tim has been in the helping field for years. In fact, he once owned a business where clients sought his expertise in bridging communication and social divides.
He worked with hospitals, for example, assisting nurses to better attend to the needs of patients – at least from the patients’ perspective.
And, of course, he has worked with other parents, providing novel strategies to bridge any emotional gaps.
His book, the Cooperation Code, enjoys rave reviews, and the techniques have been used by over 3,000 people. In fact, even organizations are embracing Tim’s curriculum of ideas.
Parent Training – Here’s What You’ll Learn
The following ‘how-to’s’ are applicable:
– Almost instantaneously stop your child from acting out
– Properly set boundaries and agreements that your child will respect and adhere to
– Stop triggering your child’s defensiveness
– Find win-win solutions via a ‘needs assessment’
– End the seemingly endless cycle of blame, criticism, judgment, and resentment
– Be honest with where you’re coming from
– Maintain mutual respect even during inevitable conflicts
– Ensure your child understands what you’re actually looking for
– Establish candid dialogue that clears the air
– Build trust in a flash …
and so much more
Tim provides excellent examples on how to accomplish these objectives. I like the fact that he encourages parents to use lists, and write down their assessment on what is actually happening in their relationship with their children.
In this way, parents can take the time to reflect and modify their own behavior. (Modeling respectful behavior is all important!)
The only criticism that I can levy is that I wish the ebooks were longer (the Cooperation Code and the Quick Start Guide are about 80 pages combined), and used even more conflict diffusing examples. But the principles are clearly outlined and you’ll have a very keen sense of how to resolve thorny issues with your child going forward. Even better, you’ll prevent many of these issues from surfacing by simply applying Tim Dawes’ super clever parenting techniques.
The Parent Code Review – Final Determination
I’m about to tuck my son into bed and I can assure you that I’m about to incorporate Tim’s strategy in doing so. But it’s not the actual method that is important. It’s the methodology and the principles that support it. They’re applicable to just about any situation that calls for delicate handling.
If you’re feeling frustrated and helpless with an acting-out child, the Cooperation Code is a must purchase.
As an added bonus, Tim Dawes also provides a Quick Start Guide that encapsulates crucial parenting strategies, expounded in the Cooperation Code. Here, you’ll learn how to show your kids unconditional love and pile on the attention, and not the judgment.
He also offers a chapter from Kelly Bryson’s book, Don’t be Nice, Be Real. Here, you’ll learn that showing compassion for others should not come at your expense. Incessant givers who are ready at the beck and call may very well experience emotional repercussions when such giving is not authentic or done willingly. This has special applicability to those parents who give their children everything, expecting reciprocity. When parents are not getting their own needs met, am emotional cauldron of anger and bitterness can brew within.
In summary, the Cooperation Code will reveal exemplary child-rearing discipline strategies that are especially effective when you’re embroiled in conflict with your child. But these methods should be used at all times as they will serve as a proactive measure to avoid disputes.
You’ll know to engage in ‘nonviolent communication.’ and restore love, balance, and harmony with your child that can last a lifetime.
© All Rights Reserved. The Cooperation Code review written for: ProminentOffers.com
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