Relationship Advice – Loving Relationships Start With You

It is so easy now to get a divorce. The marriage vows that used to be sacred no longer apply. So, what is the point of getting married? Marriage is a divine union between 2 people who offer each other unconditional love. This means they agree to accept each other as the divine beings they truly are and consider mistakes as learning opportunities to soar! When we focus on the positive attributes of our spouse and overlook the negative characteristics, we create deep love. This deep love will automatically activate the oxytocin hormone that was explained in the ADHD article. Love, trust, inner peace and happiness are what this natural chemical provides. Oxytocin enables people to have a strong bong that is virtually unbreakable.

I learned this valuable lesson the hard way. I grew up in a household of emotional abuse so I equated criticism, anger and judgment with love beginning in my early childhood years. The romantic relationships in my life always had components of emotional abuse. We are all mirrors of each other so what we don’t like in somebody, also exists in us. We bring these relationships into our lives to be aware of this fact.

Instead of venting at your partner, look within

An extraordinary teacher yelled at me to take responsibility. His command of voice penetrated my soul at its deepest level and a click went off. I began taking responsibility for every event that occurred in my life. I realized I was just as abusive with my quick tongue. I was just as lethal as the adults I harbored so much anger toward. Once I realized this pattern within myself, I had gratitude for the people who brought this pattern directly in front of my face.

I planned to make my marriage work once this epiphany occurred. Similar to my father, I was the one who always asked for a divorce every time an argument occurred. My partner always said he would never leave me. However, when I came back from India, he immediately wanted a divorce.

I met a guy after my ex-husband who had the same exact traits mentioned above. Another friend also moved in with me for a year because she needed shelter and she exhibited the identical characteristics as well. Then, I went back to India and my traveling companion continued this pattern.

Since, I no longer criticized, judged or showed any form of anger and only sent out unconditional love, complete forgiveness and total acceptance, I knew there was a deeply ingrained pattern that I didn’t hit upon yet.

I analyzed the pattern again and realized the embedded limiting belief had to do with feelings of abandonment. Criticism and judgment was just the top layer of this onion. As I peeled away the top layer, abandonment and betrayal raised their ugly heads.

With many of my past relationships, I would leave them before they left me. It gave me a sense of false pride to know I was the one who was ending the relationship. So, I abandoned many people in my life. Our thoughts are extremely powerful. Even though I was abandoning these people, my subconscious and conscious thoughts were about fear of being abandoned. Thoughts are energy and when we obsess about something, this ignites the energy. The Universe doesn’t determine good or bad. Instead, the Universe is signaled by intense thoughts. The charged energy sent a message to the Universe and the Universe rewarded me by bringing people into my life who would fulfill this intense desire. So, one by one people would come into my life, profess their love to me and then easily abandon me.

People would abuse me and I would send love and forgiveness. I finally broke this pattern. First, it happened with the girl who moved in. She would abuse me through her words and threaten to leave. I was trying to help her release her pattern so I would put up with this behavior. I would tell her she was always welcome to stay at the house. The last time she threatened to leave, I told her it was a good idea even though I adored her dog. The look on her face was pure shock. The second time was in India. I put out an edict to the Universe when my friend began judging me and the command of my voice was strong. I told him he will no longer criticize me. I wanted him to release his pattern and thought the sound of my voice would jolt him into action. He judged me again and I told him I was leaving the next day. I realized I could send my unconditional love, complete forgiveness and total acceptance at a distance. I didn’t need to live physically with the person to help them release their negative mental patterns. At that point, I decided I will be in the presence of those who appreciated me and the lessons I provided. Otherwise, I will send my love to all at a distance. It was an incredible feeling of freedom and liberation!

A day after I left, my friend emailed me and told me he set up a meeting with his close friend who owned many NGO’s in India, also known as Non-Profit Organizations. His friend wanted me to work as an educational consultant in all of his NGO’s because my friend spoke highly about my educational background and professional success. This is one of my dreams and I was so excited. I immediately emailed my friend and told him I would love to go to Delhi to meet with his friend, a 48 hour train ride, as long as he was kind to me. His response was “I am making arrangements to go home.” He was unwilling to acknowledge this pattern and refused to cease his emotional torment toward others. I was shocked and continued sending him love and forgiveness. One day soon I know he will take responsibility for his own actions and break the pattern that is sabotaging his life of happiness.

As you can see even when you divorce people, you will still be faced with the same issues that created the divorce. You will meet other people in your life. Some may be romantic relationships, some may be good friends and others may be work associates. The pattern will be waiting for you like a sore thumb.

Whoever you chose as your spouse is a partner to help you on your journey in life. Treat each other like Gods and Goddesses. Would you treat Jesus, Buddha, Allah, Shiva, Krishna or God in any name the way you treat your spouse? Of course not! So, see the God inside the partner you chose to spend the rest of your life with. If for some reason you don’t believe in God, look at your spouse as the ocean, mountain or lake you love. Let love envelope your heart. Watch the oxytocin release and fall in love once again with the other half of you. Together, in a blissful state of monogamy, you can create your biggest dreams.

Stop sabotaging relationships with your own unresolved issues© By contributing Author, Vanaja Ananda – All Rights Reserved. Relationship Advice – Loving Relationships Start With You written for: Learn more from Vanaja here.